The "LAWS" of Golf

> LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, you


> should have Inner peace knowing that a shittier one is yet

> to come. (This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since

> it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course

> of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a

> lifetime.)

>

> LAW 2: Your best round of golf will

> be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The

> probability of the latter increases with the number of

> people you tell about the

> former.

>

> LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are

> water-magnetic. (Though this cannot be proven in th lab, it

> is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the

> greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been

> known to be partly made with this most unusual natural

> alloy.)

>

> LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of

> trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a

> law of the universe and should be cut

> down.

>

> LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer

> to muff a shot, all His playing partners must solemnly chant

> "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the

> universe.

>

> LAW 6: The higher a golfer's

> handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an

> instructor.

>

> LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the

> world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter

> the hole, the greater its

> desire.

>

> LAW 8: Pine trees eat golf

> balls.

>

> LAW 9: Sand is alive. It wil swallow

> your balls.

>

> LAW 10: A golfer hitting into your

> group will always be bigger than anyone in your group.

> Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of

> a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted

> murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination.

>

> LAW 11: All 3-woods are

> demon-possessed.

>

> LAW 12: Golf balls from the same

> "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly

> out of bounds or into the water (See LAW 3).

>

> LAW 13: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and

> beauty.

>

> LAW 14: The person you would most

> hate to lose to will always be the one who beats

> you.

>

> LAW 15 : The last three holes of a

> round will automatically adjust your score to what it really

> should be.

>

> LAW 16: Golf should be given up at

> least twice pe month.

>

> LAW 17: All vows taken on a golf

> course shall be valid only until the

> sunset.

>

> LAW 18: Since bad shots come in

> groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really

> the beginning of the next group of

> three.

>

> LAW 19: When you look up and cause an

> awful shot, you will always look down again at exactly the

> moment when you should have continued watching the ball if

> you ever want to see it

> again.

>

> LAW 20: The less skilled the player,

> the more likely he is to share his ideas about your swing.

>

> LAW 21: If it isn't broke, try changing your

> grip.

>

> LAW 22: Golfers who claim they

> don't cheat, also lie.

>

> LAW 23: A golf match is a test of

> your skill against your opponent's

> luck.

>

> LAW 24: It's surprisingly easy to

> hole a 50-foot putt when yo lie

> 8.

>

> LAW 25: Counting on your opponent to

> inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to

> make fun of his own

> haircut.

>

> LAW 26: Nonchalant putts count the

> same as chalant putts.

>

> LAW 27: It's not a gimme if

> you're still away.

>

> LAW 28: The shortest distance between any two points on a

> golf course is a straight line that passes directly through

> the center of a very large

> tree.

>

> LAW 29: You can hit a 2-acre fairway

> 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the

> time.

>

> LAW 30: Every Time a golfer makes a

> birdie, he must subsequently make two triple bogeys to

> restore the fundamental equilibrium of the

> Universe.

>

> LAW 31: If you want to hit a 7-iron

> as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to lay up just short

> of a water hazard.

>

> LA 32: There are two things you can

> learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the

> position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which

> one is wearing the glove.

>

> LAW 33: Hazards attract; fairways

> repel.

>

> LAW 34: You can put "draw" on the ball, you can

> put "fade" on the ball, but no golfer can put

> "straight" on the

> ball.

>

> LAW 35: A ball you can see in the rough from

> 50 yards away is not yours.

>

> LAW 36: Don't buy a putter until

> you've had a chance to throw

> it.